Clinical Psychologist
Helping Couples, Women and Children Live
with Joy and Passion
found that the most positive change results from strength-based interventions and positive psychology.
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Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological “tasks”:
1. Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.
2. Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy.
3. Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.
4. For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby’s entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.
5. Confront and master the inevitable crises of life.
6. Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.
7. Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.
8. Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partner’s needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.
9. Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.
Thanks to Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD, co-author of the book The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts.
Santa: if unexamined, can be the ultimate behavior manipulator! Let’s rethink Santa’s message. Children understand Santa’s bottom line: if they are nice, they get toys, naughty, nothing or coal! Let’s teach our children about UNCONDITIONAL love and that the true reward for being nice is not about receiving toys but about receiving affection and deepening relationships. When Santa asks your 4 year old son, “Have you been a good little boy this year?” He can understand that he is always a “good boy” even when he acts in ways that aren’t perfect! After all, do you really want a child who “behaves” because they are hoping for toys or do you want a child who has positive behavior because they love how it makes them feel to act positively?